Plan "be"

WHAT IS JOY?

 Let's be honest, raising kids is no walk in the park.  We spend years dreaming about prince charming, the white picket fence and the slue of cute kids running around perfectly dressed, well behaved making our lives.....well PERFECT.  No classes are offered to teach us how to manage our sudden life transformation, no friends or family sit you down and explain the "true Reality" of poopy diapers, dirty faces, bad manners, utter chaos, and loss of personal freedoms.  We are thrown into parenthood with no warning, no training and the attitude of "We did it and survived, you will too."  To make matters worse, we have society and all those before us preaching "seize the moment, enjoy them while you can, count your blessings, find the joy;" only to leave us feeling inadequate,confused and alone when this concept of "JOY" can't quite be figured out?

Find the JOY....What does this mean?  What is "real" joy?    Even I have written about the immense amount of "joy" I have experienced as the mother of four small children, but I have equally experienced immense anger and great frustration.  I have thought the thoughts we all hold captive, quietly wondering if we are going crazy or just not fit for motherhood.  And I have made my fair share of mistakes, if I haven't paid for already, I am sure I will pay for sometime in the future.

You see I believe "joy", as society has defined it, is like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, that promises happiness if we get to it, but somehow is always just beyond our reach.  It is the fairy-tail with the happy ending, the perfect American family,it is what many mothers have spent hours thinking they should have, and wondering where they can get it.

For the sake of all the mothers out there searching for the key to this mysterious secret, I don't think you have to go far or look long.  It's not something you can head over to Target and buy, but I believe it exists right where you are, in all that you do.  It's a gift, and the most difficult part of unwrapping it will be accepting the simplicity of what's inside.  This looks very different for each of us, and we must remember that not every moment of everyday will be sunshine and rainbows. That we will let moments slide by unnoticed, our kids will grow faster than we planned, and we will most likely sit back and wonder how and why we didn't spend more time "enJOYing" what we weren't able to see while we were busy raising them.  You see I believe "Joy", like everything else in THIS world is really not so perfect. It doesn't come without heartache, struggles or pain.  Sometimes there is regret, but mostly it reminds us that we are human, and in being human we do the best we know how.  We laugh when we can, we cry if we need to and we enJOY the moments as they are given, which over time will become our memories.......or that special gift of JOY!

My Birthday Girl....9 going on 19!

Nine years......3285 days......78,840 hours......4,730,400 minutes.....283,824,000 seconds ago today Alexa Kuhl Price was born into this world.  Scared to death and unsure what life as a mother would bring, I held on tight as contraction after contraction brought more joy and pain than I had ever experienced in my life.  What was going to emerge?  Would it have brown hair and brown eyes or blond hair and blue eyes?  Would it have all its fingers and toes?  Would it be as beautiful as I imagined? How was I going to do this?  I hadn't read any books or taken any classes.  I had always loved kids, but what was having my own going to be like?  

We had done an ultrasound at 18 weeks confirming she was a girl, but I was convinced they had made a mistake.  Maybe this was because I knew Nate was petrified of having a girl, so I thought there was no way a girl was in the cards.  Much to my surprise, at 10:05, with no drugs and one last hard push, the doctor announced the arrival of a beautiful dark haired baby girl.  I was so out of breath and convinced I was having a boy, I said "what a boy"?  With a look of confusion, or maybe "are you crazy"  the doctor held up a vernix coated screaming baby girl.  I smiled and laid my head back in exhaustion.  FInally,the long awaited beautiful brown haired, blue-green eyed little girl had made her first mark on this world, not having the slightest clue the amount of joy and fear she was going to bring to all who love her so deeply.

I could never have imagined I could love something so much so fast.  Within seconds she had stolen my heart and transformed my soul for eternity.  Never again would life look or feel the same.  This 7lb 10oz little human being had instantly become my world, and everything I would explore and conquer from this day forward would not be without constant thoughts of her well being.  I was full of joy, hope, love and sheer terror.  I remember waking up the very next day in the hospital with her by my side, looking over and thinking to myself how life would never be the same.  Thinking about how this little being was dependent on me for survival.  How without me she couldn't survive, and how for the rest of my living days I would worry about her well-being.  This was just the beginning........

DADDY's Little Princess

Crusin inot her 1st year......She was a ham.  Always so happy and full of life!  Must have been all the loud music and my singing in the car=)

Year #2  I promise to always love and take care of you ......even when you are in all my stuff, take away my all my attention and bug me when I have friends over to play!!

#3  Always the life of the party.  Pretty in pink....where did the years of the princess go?  Just tonight she told me I had failed and bought her all "girly" B-day presents.  What????? Where are all the pretty hats and dresses?

My very first attempt at cake making.....ALL FROM SCRATCH!!

#4  Here we go again....Where is the baby sister I asked for?

#5  Happy B-day to me!  

#6  Still a princess....but growing up fast, and yes they added yet another brother to the crew.

#7  Full of spunk.  Lot's of attitude.  A girl with an opinion and as stubborn as they come.  Sincere, thoughtful, beautiful with one of the biggest kindest hearts I have ever known.  My Alexa girl.

#8  Lost teeth, bigger feet and growing tall.....where has the time gone? Not so tiny anymore.

# 9....Today at school eating her birthday lunch with one of her very dear friends!  

As tears drip down my cheeks, I look into the eyes of tomorrows future with excitement, sadness and fear.  The once tiny little fingers that fit so neatly inside my hand, now take up over half my hand.  I know the day is coming when I won't fall asleep knowing she is tucked safe in her tiny little bed, but will sit up wondering and waiting for her to come home safely.  When hugs and I love yous will be a little less often, or at least not in front of friends.  And when I suddenly go from cool and funny to "that crazy woman"  she can't believe she could be related to, who drives her crazy and knows absolutely nothing.

But one thing will never change....through all our ups and downs, smiles and tears I will ALWAYS love you baby dear!!!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY my little princess.  You have blessed me beyond words.  A true gift from God!

 

 

Happy Mother's Day from mommy "4 A"

"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.  That makes it hard to plan the day." E.B. White

This was the front of one of my favorite cards I received this mother day, along with a reminder that there is no greater opportunity to "IMPACT" and change the world than through my four precious children.  It is wild to think about only nine short years ago, almost to the day, I was lying in a hospital bed giving birth to our first born baby girl.  I had no idea how she or her three brothers to shortly follow would impact my life, the lessons I would learn or how much I would grow in losing "myself," but loving them so deeply.  It was as if in only a few short moments of head crowning, and a new baby crying life instantly transformed the once upon a time fairy-tail dreams for my own life, into thousands of wishes for my own children's lives.  Deep and long lasting joy was no longer about travel, success and worldly ambitions, but now found in little smiles, first steps and crazy days.

My own journey in losing myself and finding purpose in this world has been very difficult.  Society is persuasive, and can quickly and deceptively lead you to believe that joy lies in everything worldly.   The often thankless many roles of motherhood are easily overshadowed by promises of happiness and joy in a variety of other things. There is always another passion,cause,or someone to help, and technology has made it so much easier to immerse ourselves in so many more things going on today throughout the globe, that many times just being a mom doesn't seem like enough.  

I was reminded again today by my family, friends and children.....that being a Mom is one of the BEST and most important jobs we can be given.  As mother's we can choose to embrace this great role, with the understanding we have no greater opportunity to impact and CHANGE THIS WORLD we live in, than through our children.  Time does go by much too quickly.  In the blink of an eye they are here and out of the nest starting their own life journey's to find joy, happiness and purpose, and we can only hope in doing our best, we have given them wings to fly.

I laughed and cried today as I reflected on all I have given up to gain oh so very much!!  In the word's of one of my greatest mentors, friend and family......." If I can live without regret, I will find great peace." There will be no regret in doing my best to be the "4 A's" mom!!  I know that for sure.

 

Me in the first few minutes with my mama, only 36 years ago!