Plan "be"

Just "one of these days"

There are so many days I feel so alone in this world.  Days I would love to open my back door and yell," is anybody out there, can anybody hear me?  Please help me.  I've been kidnapped by four small children and a dog!"  

These are the days when all the little people around me have said mommy so many times, the sound reminds me of nails on a chalkboard and I fear hearing it one more time might send me straight to the looney bin.  The days when each has a need, an extremely pressing need, all at the same time.  Needs that if not met on demand, leave way to wailing and screaming, a rancid smell that burns my nose hairs and fills my house, or the constant drone of the same request over and over and over, and yes, over.  The days when every time you turn around somebody is into something they shouldn't be, arguing about something trivial, or tattling about what their sibling is into or fighting with them about.  The days when the house looks like a bomb went off in every room, and as fast as one gets picked up, another is under attack.

The end of these days can never come fast enough.  These are the days the working spouse dreads the most, as they walk into the house expecting a smiley June Cleaver, dinner on the table, a clean house and four well behaved kids, but are shocked to discover the cold hard truth of life at home in a fishbowl. This wasn't what we watched on the Brady Bunch or any of those other shows that made "life" and "playing house" look so glamorous!   One day you wake up and discover you've been duped, and this is really hard work!

Not to mention the fact that you look like you've just went 12 rounds in a boxing match, feel like you've just endured some of world's best kept secrets on torture tactics and believe that if you have to endure one more day chasing, refereeing and being ordered around like a hired hand, you might just quit the only job you were told once started, you could never quit and move to a deserted island!  

The thought that those of us who are less than perfect, or without full-time child care might ask after "ONE OF THESE DAYS":

 "Would I really miss them if I were alone on a deserted island?  Better, Would they really miss me?"

Strength of a Mother

It's not very often that a mother of four young children, or any children can sit down and be really honest about the thoughts that go through her mind on any given day.  These thoughts are most often held hostage behind feelings of solitude, desperation and extreme guilt.  

The problem lies behind the lack of preparation for this harrowing, challenging,loss of life experience. The knowledge that despite the temporary disappearance of oneself, the constant feelings of inadequacy and a strong desire to turn to drugs, alcohol or anything else that numbs the pain, is virtually non-existent in a world that screams "I AM SUPERWOMAN!"  I can do anything and be everything everyone expects me to be! These non-truths set most women up to feel unhappy, incomplete and at times down right crazy!  

Crazy we are not!  In many cases we are the glue that holds all the pieces together.  We are the wind behind the sails.  We are the calm after a storm.  We are the force to be reckoned with.  We are beautiful!  We are powerful, and despite all the crazy truths we create, and at times begin to believe, we are valued and loved beyond words!  Love yourself and all you do each and everyday!!!  You are worth it!  

 

Daily Blessings

I've been sitting here trying to decide what topic to blog about next.  Letting weeks pass without blogging leaves a lot to be written.  Do I share how much Andrew loves preschool, loves the beat of every tune and melts my heart everyday when I pick him up and he takes my hand, gently kisses it and tells me how much he missed me.  Or how Ayden suddenly loves football and wants to lay with me a bedtime and tell me play by play how he won the game a recess, how he spends hours drawing pictures in his notebook and always snuggles up for lots of loving.  Miss Alexa the sweet princess who adores all animals, loves playing with her friends and can't get enough one on one time with Mommy and Daddy. And finally, Asher the Basher, who we now call Wally boy.  I could fill pages of his daily doings.  From "you no talk a me dat way mom", to " mom you so cute", he knows just what buttons to push to make his siblings scream, and his parents believe he's an angel sent directly from heaven.

It's hard not to think about how deeply we've been blessed.  I have always been thankful for the many blessings of my life, but it wasn't until I was really able to begin to process and reflect on this past year, that these became so vivid and real.  Life has new meaning, and now, each and everyday is a blessing!